Match Report 17/01/06

As Jocky keenly observed, the game on Tuesday against SECA was all even at the start, and after we’d all thrown our worst at it, the start was as good as it was going to get! I blame The Four:  we were quite positive and eager to get going until they turned up spreading doom & gloom having lost the 4s tournament.  I’d been unanimously voted in to put the names on the board in Craptain’s absence, although there was a distinct silence and lack of volunteers when I asked who’d like to go first and play with me,  & Taffy commandeered the chalk and took control of the scoring. Jocky & I left us only 2 down after the first set of ups, Craptain took over and it was definitely downhill from there…  although we should take heart from the fact we only lost this week’s match by 39, nowhere near as many as last week! As our scores weren’t anything to shout home about once again, I will just record a few statistical facts about the game instead:   o    only 3 of our players pulled pins against their opponents – Sparky by 1; Lodge by 7; Wiggle by 10, which was obviously the most o    Lodge had no ducks for the 2nd week running o    Orical had lowest score again with 7, despite being in defiance & refusing to wear his fcuking Team shirt, proving once and for all that his playing fcuking crap has sweet fcuk all to do with the fcuking shirt Turk has developed an interesting technique, one that is likely to attract a Steward’s enquiry if left unchecked!  Somebody needs to explain that the ‘skill’ is in bowling the ball ALONG the alley, NOT throwing it directly at the pins – even though this does dispense with the boring part of waiting for the ball to reach its target – and it is actually frowned upon/considered unsporting for the ball not to hit the alley before the 2nd white line!  Maybe this technique was borne of frustration following his 2-duck start & consequent display of irritation, which shocked Orical to the core as he couldn’t understand why anyone would get upset like that over a game of skittles…  pot, kettle, black??  It has to be said that Turk didn’t blame his fcuking shirt once during his own tirade. Two other styles of bowling to be put under scrutiny by Orical & aRCe were:   o    the ‘Norman Wisdom’ from Taffy, because they reckoned he looked like he was tripping over his own feet, although I don’t recall hearing him shout “Mr. Grimsdale” to psyche himself up – only aRCe using it in a successful attempt to put Taffy off! o    Sparky’s Grecian pose – as soon as Orical can afford the truss Sparky so obviously wears to get into that stance, he is going to adopt this style as it is proven to work peRV’s warm up routine left a lot to be desired…  following confirmation from the Craptain that he is only on the team because we need a sticker up, peRV released a build up of nervous tension from his rectum, causing blistering to the varnish in the immediate vicinity & furious eye watering & cries of disgust amongst his peers – the stench was deemed foul enough to turn Sparky’s shirt pink:  whilst this appeared to do the trick for peRV (he got 24), we are all hoping fervently he refrains from employing this rank good luck charm at every game. Other reasons we didn’t do so well this week: o    Craptain found bits on the alley o    We are trying too hard o    No bloody commitment to the team – desertion in favour of watching football Our next game is Tuesday 24th January at Filton & District Social Club (Filton ex Services to you and me, next to the chippie on Conygre Grove!) against the Nomads. NB:  get browsing through those wardrobes!  Remember that next home game, Tuesday 31/1, is ‘Most Outrageous Shirt’ night!!