In the absence of any other option, Orical & Wiggle opened the game against the Premiers on Friday 26/1 at the Sausage & Chips Inn, the remainder of the Almonds being delayed by the accident that Rob was involved in – either through concern or diversions – except for Compact, who was just late.  Thankful we didn’t have to don disguises and pretend to be 12 people, but battered by subtle-as-a-sledgehammer humour from the Premiers who thought the rest of the team had forgotten to turn up again, we were glad of some moral support as we struggled to make an impression on what had been hailed as an “easy” alley – tricky little buggers those Premiers, good at psyching unsuspecting innocents out.  It was easy enough if you hit the front pin, but bloody murder if you missed and hit anything else!!

We dropped 27 pins on the first pair, scoring 18 & 17 against x2 31s. Lodge & Turk were next up and fared better with 22 & 29, only dropping 1 pin to put us 28 down as Taffy & Barnesy Junior went on.  I thought I’d left the multi-tasking mayhem at work, but on top of playing and trying to keep my Match Reporter head on, I had to keep the scorebook, collect subs, deputise for Craptain & Compact with directing play when they scarpered off on a mercy mission to warm Rob up, and remember to ask who was available to play next week.  With the help of vodka it all got done – it wasn’t so much that I was superbly efficient like Barnesy, more that after a couple of slugs I didn’t much care.  Taffy chalked up 24 & BJ 17, but up against a 28 & 35 this meant we dropped a further 22 pins to be 50 behind at half time, when the sausage & chips were served!

aRCe & Compact went on 4^th pair, and the only exciting bit about that was Compact’s last ball on his 5^th up, which ricocheted alarmingly off backboard, wall & partition to land safely back on the alley on its 4^th bounce to take out an extra pin – sadly, this was disallowed even though we didn’t break a window, but the display gave us all a much needed shot of light relief.  aRCe scored 19, and to add insult to injury was aggrieved to discover that a plague of locusts had eaten all the chips whilst he was distracted with the game – he manfully made do with 2 discarded runts in a bap, his & Compact’s efforts to elicit sympathy & more chips from the barmaid falling on deaf ears.  Compact scored 22 & tried to claim glory as the only one to pull pins on his oppo, conveniently ignoring the fact that Turk had pulled 9 pins earlier, which made his own 4 not quite such a bargain.  Now 59 down, Craptain put Hammer & Sparky on.

Now, in deference to Hammer, who feels that I pick on him (get over it), I have decided to accede to his whining & not single him out in the Match Report, he wouldn't want me to make a fuss this week I'm sure.  I do think it was a bit off that he raised everyone’s hopes of getting rid of him by announcing he would resign if he didn’t score a 30, and then finished on 33.  I guess he mistook our energetic enthusiasm at this prospect for reverse psychology…  not sure if it was the rousing cheers or Craptain’s request to have it in writing that overplayed our hand, but it’s just the sort of sneaky, underhand, downright filthy cheating we have all come to expect from Hammer.  Still, it’s all about the team and combined with Sparky’s 22 it meant we pulled 11 back to put us 48 down as Craptain & Chuckle 1 brought us home.

Craptain put in a true Captain’s innings, taking highest score by a mile with 39.  His spare would have taken him over 40 had he managed to hit anything with his 3^rd ball, but perhaps he was being sensitive to EN&T’s looming 40^th birthday & was trying to avoid any unpleasantness!  From the beaming smile at taking command of the averages, I don’t think he was too bothered.  Chuckle 1 scored 28, and between them they managed to pull a further 11 pins back on the game so that we lost by 37.  It hardly seemed to matter in view of peRV’s accident – once we are all reassured he is OK we can just blame him anyway, for worrying us all silly.

Hopefully Compact will be back in possession of his balls by Tuesday 30/1, when we play the Ups & Downs on our home alley. 

Rob – we all look forward to welcoming you back into the bosom of our skittle family, and send our thoughts and best wishes your way to help you through.