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Greys' Anatomy Demolished! |
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The Match Reporter turned up late for Wednesday’s first round game of the Knockout Cup against Greys, but judging by the bored faces and subdued atmosphere she didn’t miss much: as Hammer was centre-stage leading a scintillating conversation around the Rovers’ Old Boys she soon felt quite sorry she’d turned out at all, but the evening did liven up when the Almonds broke out of formation & mixed things up a bit. No doubt the idea behind the breakout was to get away from Hammer, but he proved to be as difficult to shake off as a leech. aRCe took first place in the “Best Excuse for Not Turning Up” category – he confused Filton Ex-Services Club for the Civil Service Club off Filton Avenue… easily done, it’s a wonder the other 15 Team members + appendages managed to find the right place. At least he had the right night. Anyone else ever wondered what happens to all his post? Craptain deigned to turn up this week, presumably having exhausted the ‘business trip’ option for the time being, and put Young Guns Lodge & Turk on first pair. Their efforts put 15 & 22 on the board and the Almonds in the lead by 3 pins as 3rd Young Gun Minidisc & not-so-Young Gun Jocky took to the stage. Due to the Hurlin’ Wall erected between East & West alleys, it was difficult to have a *ing clue as to what was occurring on the alley. Despite better scoring with 23 & 22, the 2nd pair dropped 2 precious pins to leave only a 1-pin lead as Barnesy Jnr & Taffy were thrown into the mix. Barnesy Jnr kept up the steady scoring of his predecessors, but Taffy suffered more extreme fortunes, scoring 1s either side of a spectacular spare that saw 8 fall off the first ball. His spare earned him 11 & therefore he scored in excess of 13…. Somewhere between fighting the soporific effect of the sports conversation and tuning out Hammer’s persistent mosquito whine, the MR failed to correctly record the scores at this point, (& unlike some of us, Secretary Barnesy had better things to do on a Saturday afternoon than faff about with skittle nonsense cuz she wasn’t answering text distress calls). However, she does seem to have noted that they dropped 14 pins to put the team 13 behind. Either that, or she’s making it up as she goes along… wouldn’t be the first time. But never fear, because the game was about to be turned around in a spectacular and exquisite master-class of skittling. Presumably operating on a “who gives a *, just get some names up” basis, Craptain chalked up peRV & Compact. PERV STORMED HIS WAY TO TOP SCORE WITH 34, COMPACT RUNNING CLOSE BEHIND HIM WITH 31. EXCITED AS A SCHOOLBOY ARMED WITH A DANGEROUS WEAPON, COMPACT ALMOST PIQUED TOO SOON AFTER GETTING HIMSELF HORRIBLY CLOSE TO SPONTANEOUS COMBUSTION ANTICIPATING THE CLAP, ADULATION & PLAUDITS HE’D BE SHOWERED IN FROM HIS FELLOW ALMONDS – HE REALLY SHOULD KNOW BETTER BY NOW. SUFFOCATING AN OVERWHELMING DESIRE TO LAUGH HYSTERICALLY, THE MATCH REPORTER NONETHELESS PARTICIPATED IN THE TWO-MINUTE SILENCE ORCHESTRATED BY SPARKY TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE HEROIC EFFORTS OF THE DYNAMIC DUO, BUT TOP MARKS HAVE TO GO TO CHUCKLE 1 FOR HIS PUT DOWN OF “HOW COULD WE PULL THAT MANY PINS WITH SUCH AN IFFY PAIR ON”?, WHEN HE REALISED THEY’D PUT THE ALMONDS 30 PINS IN FRONT. NOT ONLY DID THEY DESERVE A “WELL PLAYED THE PAIR”, THEY SHOULD HAVE GOT A “VERY WELL PLAYED THE PAIR” & STANDING OVATION – PUT IT DOWN TO JEALOUSY BOYS! Wild talk abounded now about how the Almonds could go all the way to the final after that inspirational play, and Sparky was even motivated into staying until the end of the game because he had a bit of a feeling…. obviously watching 2 young (ish) men play with their balls to perfection was an uplifting experience for him, and he made no secret of the fact he was going home to watch a squad of 11 men do the same as his late night viewing. Threatening to get “The Right Hump” if the pre-‘ankers lost the lead, Compact watched with a smug smile & exonerative eye as Orical & Sparky just about kept up with their Grey counterparts, Orical going raving mad with double figures of 14 & Sparky failing to find the power to add more than 19 to the board, keeping us in the lead by 25. With Wiggle, Barnesy & Hammer consigned to the scrap heap, ‘ankers Craptain & Chuckle 1 stood up to do their worst. Forgetting for a minute that it is a no-no to interfere with a person’s balls when they are on the alley, Compact stepped forward and did just that with Chuckle1’s – so uncouth, but no doubt he was just trying to be helpful, over zealous because of his earlier success! Despite being subjected to such an invasion of his rights, and his lefts for that matter, & maybe driven by a keen desire to knock the cockiness out of Compact, C1 managed to hold onto his nerve and at least knock down 29 pins, even though he had to settle to coming in 4th best behind Craptain, who showed he was back and here to stay by taking out 9 pins in his 2nd up on his way to a 30. Having won by 19 pins, or thereabouts, the Almonds now face playing Christmas week – good luck with raising a team Craptain!! Whilst Wiggle & Orical are OK on 29/12, the 25, 26 & 27/12 are definitely out, and 28/12 is dodgy too, so best to put them down as a no! . Award for Best Quote of the Night goes to…. Sparky!, who, with no obvious relevance to anything discernable in the moment, announced in commentator fashion “he’s been hit in the helmet”! I think I may have snorted in a very unladylike fashion and found that funnier than it deserved - probably because I was unaware we were back to talking about cricket and the wild balls that can occur during an innings… OUR NEXT GAME is Tuesday 28/11 on our home alley against the Bohemians.
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