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Georgie Boy hasn't been with the Team five minutes and he is already making a right nuisance of himself - not content with smashing windows with, and subseqently losing, the opposition's balls, he has taken it upon himself to nag about the Match Report not being written in a timely enough fashion for his liking... this may in part be due to the fact that he scored a brilliant 9 on his last up and wants it in print asap. I was actually trying to spare the Craptain's feelings, as he didn't seem too impressed with our second outing in Division 2 after we lost quite spectactularly to the Nomads by 67 pins - I didn't think he'd want to relive it all too soon, if at all!
Jockey and Georgie Boy opened for the Almonds, scoring 16 & 21 respectively, leaving us only 1 pin down and setting the trend that most of the rest of the Team would follow a little too religiously - starting with 2 ducks apiece! peRV sang a nice little song in accompaniment, which I think was meant to encourage you can just never be sure, which consisted of the words "there's only 1 six-ducker" - at least I think that's what he was 'singing' - the tune, however, escapes me... maybe peRV will reprise it for you if you ask him nicely.
Jen & peRV were up next, and it was with great relief that after our first 2 ducks each we also started scoring - not particularly well, but at least I managed to pull 1 pin on my opponent with my 10. I think I would have scored more if, whilst I was trying very hard to concentrate, one of my more disruptive team-mates had not made it his mission to do nothing but take the p!ss and put me right orf. I did put us back all square on the game - until peRV let us down by dropping 26 pins after scoring 14 against some joker who thought it an opportune moment to score 40! To add insult to injury, it transpired that the guy was partially sighted - poor peRV, if it's not old ladies, it's blind men!
So, 26 down Craptain put JL & Lodge on 3rd pair. The most positive thing that can be said about JL's unlucky 13 is that he managed to beat Jen's score this week. Lodge was flushed with success when he broke the string of first up ducks, but his game oscillated between brilliance and bunkum, and he finished up with 14. This could have been the result of the coaching being offered by CD - I will leave you to decide for yourselves if Lodge was helped or hindered by offering up one of the techniques used as as example: after Lodge's 3rd duck, Coach 6 Ducks was heard to comment "do you want to talk about that, because it was crap". Harsh, but...
With the 3rd pair dropping a further 16 pins we were now 42 down on the game and Craptain obviously thought putting aRCe & Jake on together would change our fortunes: and they didn't disappoint him, hauling a whopping 1 pin off our deficit to leave us only 41 down after their ups earned them 16 & 15. Jake might have scored more for the Almonds had he not been so distracted trying to score for himself, ignoring the strict regime of no smoochy stuff on the alley that ensures energies are focused to hitting on pins. SS Barnesy was all for lodging an official complaint, though as we couldn't ascertain whether the motive was genuine concern for her Team or red-hot jealousy, we ignored her. She was also on the warpath with aRCe, whose reminiscences about his mis-spent youth playing skittles for the All Stars when he was banned from pretty much every venue he played at, disclosed the fact that Almondsbury Sorial Club was once such venue! Complaining that he hadn't said anything about that on his application form, aRCe's response was that it must have got lost in the post... perks of the job, I guess!
Sensing that the game was on the turn, Craptain put himself on with Slimbridge next. They continued with the turning round of the game thing, pulling 2 more pins back: we managed to contain our excitement, (was anyone still watching at this point?, even I was getting quite interested in how Chelsea & Liverpool were doing by now...). CD scored 19, choosing not to ruffle Craptain's feathers by beating his score in direct combat this week, & Craptain could at least allow himself a small smile having achieved top score with 24.
'Ankers McSparky & PhoeBe showed a little less than the fighting spirit expected as they took to the alley - JS complaining about being played too late cuz he's used to being tucked up in bed by ten, & PhoeBe presumably depressed having spent the evening down at the Rovers' ground. It was cruelly reported that PhoeBe, who only scored 9, had only been played to make Sparky, who got 15, look good... and in a wonderful further display of comradeship aRCe encouragingly voiced his view that "Phil will put it straight now" as PhoeBe took to the alley for his 4th up following 3 ducks. It might have been better if he hadn't added with perfect comedic timing "straight down the gully" afterwards though. Taking umbridge at this criticism, McSparky huffily pointed out that at least they were pulling pins, but it would have served him better to actually check the board before opening his mouth as they were actually dropping them faster than a whore does her knickers. Presumably sticking up for his fellow John, JL said allowances for this oversight had to be made due to the air pressure being different down here after McSparky's temporary inhabitance North of the Border. The excuses for playing sh1te get worse and worse...
Craptain went off home mumbling to himself about having to think of a different plan of attack for next week... he might have been talking to those of us who walked out with him, thinking about it, but no-one was taking much notice. He obviously hasn't found the 'magic' pairings yet, is all - maybe he would like to utilise Slimbridge's Manager Coaching skills?
aRCe provided more rousing support with his rallying talk of our team exploding into action next week (I didn't hear what the sting in the tail of that one was!), when our match takes place on Wednesday 21st September at Wintebourne Community Centre, against the Winterbourne Cricketers.
NB: I was under a misapprehension about the Magnificent 7, who were conspicuous by their absence on Tuesday, as I didn't realise only 4 are signed on - they will have to be known as the slightly less magnificent Fab 4.
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