It would appear that most of the Almonds were weighted down by Christmas & New Year excesses rather than feeling revived and energised by the two-week break... Having just about managed to scrape a team together the evening’s feast was a mixed course: the starters were light but adequate, the main course hot & spicy, apart from the one bland vegetarian offering, and the puddings? Well, they were just too heavy! – no amount of custard or cream was going to help those babies go down any more easily!
And what wisdom did we gain from this week’s match? That Joe ‘Am I Bovva’d’ Lodge develops a very relaxed persona on consuming vast amounts of alcohol; that peRV is a mongrel who prefers to be known as a bastard than admit to any Welsh family connections; that CD knows just what bit of Barnesy’s body parts to tweak for improved skittling performance; that in a race against fellow bottom dwellers, we can only manage to come second...
Despite the disadvantage of having to start things rolling with ice cold balls provided by an inconsiderate CD, Wiggle’s 18 & Jocky’s 22 gave the Almonds an early lead of 1, which Barnesy & Lodge held onto by keeping things even on the game with a sweet 16 & 9 respectively.
A drugs test, or was it request?, was called for following Taffy’s fantastic 31, and doubts were cast over whether Charley Farley has really been ‘unavailable’ to play up until now or secretly practising after his triumphant return to the fold produced a 30 - & that was with a duck! He sat back and smoked a cigarette in smug post-coital skittling bliss, job done!! This inspired bit of coupling by our Craptain put us 6 in front of the Odds & Sods, & intoxicated with such success maybe his judgment was clouded when he chose to pair The arCE with The peRV...
arCE earned himself ‘Man of the Match’ with a brilliant 32, but I don’t think peRV would want me to say too much about his 11 – indeed, there isn’t much to say… our lead now eroded to put us 5 behind, Craptain put the two Exocets on. We think there must have been a malfunction in the guidance system, as rather than hit target they got decoyed! Compact scored 18, Orical 14 and their effort, or lack of it, put us 23 down on the game.
Craptain & Chuckle 1 were unable to salvage anything from the ruins, and with a 22 & 25 to add to the board, we had to face up to being worth less than even the Odds & Sods... our final tally being –37.
But are we downhearted, broken or bowed? NO!! We’ll be back for more punishment on Tuesday 10th January at our home alley for a game against PROINN - who were relegated from Division 1 last season!!
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