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We are definitely losing our matches in a classier fashion lately, last Wednesday being beaten by the Nomads by a comparatively small margin of 20 pins.
Orical, having caused rebellion in the ranks over our fcuking designer Team shirts, was nowhere to be seen due to being detained at Her Majesty’s pleasure in Leyhill for a couple of nights, (pseudonym for attending a ‘conference’) and some of the Almonds were left confused as to what they were supposed to wear, peRV a prime case in point as he thought it was silly shirts again this week and turned up suitably attired.
Charley Farley & peRV put us in the lead with their 17 & 22 by 6 pins, but it didn’t take very long at all to sabotage that to leave us 9 down on the game after I put 17 on the board against Turk’s 27 – we dropped 16 pins: well, I say we, but if you want to be pedantic, I lost the 16 pins all by myself!! It didn’t help my concentration being propositioned to “go away for a friendly” or being patted on the knee I’d skinned the day before, neither did offering a reciprocal pat to the offending party’s own injury, a groin strain no less, make it any easier… I am not even going to mention the other obscene remarks, or name names seeing as they paid up promptly with their ‘hush’ money.
I did manage to score The Big 8 – a shining moment in my otherwise lot-of-effort-for-nothing performance! Turk did all right, but he still found it necessary to swear a lot, perhaps he just likes it?! His own shining moment was scoring a 9, taking out the last few pins to get it with a ball that didn’t hit the alley at all before it hit a pin… there were a few anxious moments whilst the Nomads demanded his immediate expulsion, but as they were pulling pins they let it lie: Turk – you have to land the ball BEFORE the second white line; less fun maybe, but more sporting.
Lodge & Compact were next up and whilst Lodge at least tried to keep up with his oppo by scoring 29, Compact didn’t take it seriously at all and got lowest score of the night with 12. This put us a further 15 pins behind to leave us trailing by 24. There was a bit of worrying conversation at this point, with Craptain muttering to himself about why we weren’t winning and coming to the conclusion that what he needed was a whole new, youthful team, which wasn’t particularly inspiring or motivational talk for those of us of a sensitive disposition, and Sparky getting quite enthusiastic about liking them young! When it came to light he was talking about boys we all gave him a wide berth and changed the subject quickly, though it should be noted that simultaneously Compact had been talking about getting his equipment ready and both he and Sparky disappeared for a few minutes together…
Now, it would appear that Barnesy Junior plays much, much better on 7 pints of beer, because he scored a faultless 30. His partner, Sparky, also put in a high score of 28 to pull us back 11 pins and leave us down by a baker’s dozen as Jocky & aRCe warmed up. They managed to continue to turn the game around in our favour by pulling back 6 more pins, which left us only 7 down as our ‘ankers, Craptain & Chuckle 1, took up their positions with the whole of The Almonds’ hopes for a win at long last resting on their capable shoulders.
Sigh. I suppose on the plus side, the fact that he himself couldn’t manage a miracle by pulling pins against the highest scoring pair of Nomads, even being ably assisted by C1, Craptain can’t be too hard on the rest of us! He scored a quarter century against C1s 23, a further 13 pins were lost and the match closed with us down the 20, but not quite down and out. Well, technically, we are down and out of Division 2 barring several other teams being docked lots of points!, but not down and out in spirit, humour and camaraderie!
We will regroup next Tuesday, 14/2, on our home alley, when we will be fodder for the Bohemians. And don’t all suddenly pretend that you have prior commitments, because we all know you lot don’t have a romantic bone in your bodies... well, maybe ‘bone’ is an unfortunate choice of word, but you get the gist! Sue and I are looking forward to all the tokens of love and devotion you will no doubt be showering upon us both!
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