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Although I am unable to say much about Barnesy & Lodge’s performance on the alley, due to the fact Orical made us late by not being able to decide what to wear, I can solve one little mystery for you all about why Barnesy is always so tired and kept in reserve on the bench so often – she has no energy left for skittles because Pete works her too hard at home before they come out…
Craptain, however, must have decided Barnesy deserved a Friday night treat and paired her up with a Young Gun for inspiration. She reached double figures with a 10, whilst Lodge put 15 on the board, but a “well played the pair” was missed by 9 pins and Craptain now chose to turn Jocky and Sparky loose, the latter keen to get off home again for an early bath and to get his mouth round a few birthday treats – how devoted to the team is that, coming out to play skittles on your 60th birthday?!
Jocky didn’t enjoy one of his most glorious of games, only managing a neat dozen this week, and our birthday boy obviously found it difficult to concentrate on the task in hand through thinking about the tasty delights waiting for him at home, as he put a modest 20 on the board. We dropped a further 3 pins at this stage to leave us trailing by 12.
Wiggle & Turk were next up: can I point out at this juncture that I had been forced to listen to CD bleating on about The Sound of Music for what felt like an eternity by now, which is enough to break anyone’s spirit and make them lose the will to live, let alone then be able to play amazingly at skittles; plus during my ups I was subjected to using a vigorous hand motion several times over, to make the freebies CD was handing out as a bribe for me to write something nice about him, work - it would appear they were as reluctant to perform the function they were made for, without a lot of stimulation & encouragement, as their benefactor.
Anyway, whilst I started out all right, manhandling CD’s equipment caused me to produce a hat-trick of ducks and only a dozen pins, whilst Turk took a little too much inspiration from Barnesy’s earlier turn, either that or he has been taking private lessons with her, and bounced a corker of a ball right the way down the alley inducing an impromptu rendition of The Dambusters to be sung! Turk obviously enjoys playing dangerously, but it only earned him a 19 this week and our pairing put us a further 4 pins behind and left us 16 down as Craptain put peRV & Compact up. I felt suitably humbled when Craptain fixed me with a stern look and made my one syllable name drag out over an admonishing 3 when he noticed my duck-trick on the board – I love it when he gets all mean and masterful, gives me goosebumps!!
peRV, I thought, was quite quiet through the evening’s course of events, perhaps pondering over everyone’s height, or at least the differing lengths to be found in this world. It would appear he is not too clear on what constitutes an inch, or how many of these you might be happy to find in a foot? Just to clear things up peRV, to most people 5’ 12” means exactly the same as 6’.
No way on this earth could I report that Compact was quiet… he’d got the right hump at least twice by now already, once with Pete for not listening to his monologue about the Sound of Music and the second time because he decided he was fed up with subsidising everyone’s nights out by acting as taxi driver – even though, as Sue pointed out, it did mean he had the company of some lovely people. The Left Hump could probably claim some sort of prejudicial discrimination by now I should imagine… he over abused the Right Hump by getting in one for a third time when Westsports starting throwing more of those nasturtiums at him for his ‘spare’, when they claimed that his 7 pins with 1 ball was achieved through pure luck rather than skill. He stuck with it though, taking out the last 2 pins with his second ball, and erring on the side of modesty to take a further 2 from a full brace with his third.
Even with this 11 on the board, Compact only got 21 against peRV’s 17, which meant we were now 23 down with 2 pairs to go. Craptain may have preferred to put himself on at this point, but having just warmed up to a good working temperature, Barnesy & Wiggle asked for the window to be opened to combat their ladylike glows, letting in some very bracing cold air, which didn’t suit Reg’s delicate constitution – it’s CD’s fault; Sue and I were sat too close to him and we’d savagely underestimated just how much hot air he emits – so giving himself time to adjust, penultimate ‘ankers instead were aRCe & Orical, who did nothing to drag us back from the brink of disaster with their 16 & 4.
aRCe’s pride may have been smarting from being missing last week when we won, & I can only think that Orical was over-excited at the prospect of dining with his mates after the match, conserving his strength for enjoying his own birthday treats the following day, or still fretting about whether he’d chosen the most suitable fcuking shirt this week… we dropped a further 26 pins & all hopes of a win went with them. With Craptain’s cry of “you are going to miss the biggest turn round this century” ringing in our ears, Orical and I left to secure our booking of a table at The Raj Mahal with peRV & Compact in hot pursuit, leaving Craptain & Chuckle 1 with only themselves to play with as this week’s ‘ankers.
It would appear that the Craptain’s fighting talk was a gross misrepresentation, although he and C1 need to be congratulated for at least pulling back 13 pins, so that we only lost by 36 pins this week, and earning themselves the only “well played the pair” of the night - and at least no-one could accuse him of not brimming with positivity in the face of adversity!!
We play next on Tuesday 14th March, home alley, against the Phantoms.
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