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MR 04.01.08 - Legion Rams v Almonds |
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Page 1 of 2 After a glut of Christmas & New Year days that ran into one another making it indiscernible what day it actually was, having arrived for skittles on Friday to find the Patchway RBL devoid of any other skittling participants it was easy to spend a few minutes doing a mental check to determine it was the day we thought it was… turns out we were just too prompt for our own good, & before we knew it we were joined by all the usual suspects for our first game of 2008, New Year handshakes & kisses being dolled out like the pre-Christmas lollipops & chocolate.
Craptain Reg was in charge, still sporting his specially grown Santa look after his starring role for Robyn & Sid – or maybe Cath, who knows – & wasted no time in chalking up Wiggle & Turk as the opening act: Wiggle covered her dismay quite well at not being able to consume large amounts of vodka before playing, but as it turns out Craptain probably did her a favour catching her sober. Keeping pace with the opposition, no one was more surprised than me when I matched his 2nd up 8 with my own brilliantly executed one! I felt sure it would be all downhill from there, & some – Compact mainly – might say it was, & perhaps that’s what Reg & Compact were whispering about but not brave enough to repeat for Wiggle to hear, but once I was on 25 with my last up to go, it was only a matter of time before the jinxing started. Compact, who’d been delivering some bolshie attitude in Wiggle’s direction from the outset – obviously something over Christmas/New Year either agreeing with him, or not – was first up with his unique Chris of Death telling me I was on for a 30, closely followed by Sparky, who as luck would have it (or not) arrived just in time for my final flourish & double doomed me by quickly appraising the situation & bellowing across to me the same Grim Reaper of 30 message. I did NOT throw my last ball down the gully, although I admit I might just as well have… I look on it that I at least got more pins on that last up & finishing on 28 wasn’t so bad, not compared to everyone else anyway!
Turk in the meantime was firing balls down the alley faster than someone throwing a grenade they’d just pulled the pin from, & it was endlessly surprising not to see a trail of fire or smoke left in their wake. His 18 left us 4 short of the Legion Rams & Compact pontificating about how at least we had played our worst players first & it was therefore all uphill from there… Bar Steward. Perhaps he thought asking to play early himself so that he could get home to rest as he hadn’t been feeling great all week would garner him some sympathy – yeah, right – but Compact was granted his wish & played next up with Jocky. Originally this should have been a head to head between father & daughter, SavvyDisk being replaced in a last minute substitution when it was confirmed aRCe would be joining us before the evening was out, & if I was Savvy I’d ensure commensurate compensation – & a lot of begging next time I was expected to ‘fill in’ when we’re desperate. However, I don’t think she was too heartbroken about it & left without waiting to see how good old Dad & her replacement fared: how is it ever fair that having scored 19 & 22 respectively they have to be credited with turning the game around….?, which they did by putting us 6 pins in front. Well, to be fair, Jocky pulled pins, 11 of them; Compact actually dropped 1 &, on the receiving end of bad karma, also missed out on his 20. Not that I am remotely, even the tiniest smidgeonist bit smug about that.
Now it was the turn of Taffy & Orical to discover whether the break for festivities would serve them well or ill: Taffy matched his Welsh mucker’s 22, whilst Orical’s blistering delivery earned him the same result as Turk, 18. 8 more pins were pulled on the game, so we were a comfortable 14 in front at half time, with Craptain choosing to put peRV & Hammer on 4th pair. By now, not only was Wiggle trying to take notes for the MR, but she’d been delegated with filling in the scorebook too: this didn’t mix well with the vodka consumption or enjoyment of male banter, so game events did become a bit hazy & secondary to having a laugh.
And so it came to pass that I don’t recall much about peRV or Hammer’s efforts: I remember that Orical was grateful to peRV for scoring 15 & saving him the ignominy of lowest score – not appreciating as yet that Sparky would also stand up for that – & my understanding is that Hammer got lucky & scored twice as many as peRV, apparently without cheating or spawny git shots, which seems a bit far fetched. That’s all I have to say about that… More interestingly, Hammer was bragging about the swingers party he’d been to, where he’d had the object of his desire in the palm of his hand – no-one was doubting that for one minute, though why he’d want to go so public about his ‘ankering prowess passes me by: he’d tried to make us believe that the house he was in was so large he’d had 8 doors to choose from to seek delights from within, thinking we wouldn’t realise he was actually talking about a stable block…
Now a very comfortable 30 pins in the lead, Craptain took centre stage with… aRCe, freshly arrived from & filled with TGI Friday’s bonhomie. And alcohol. Unlike Hammer, Reg was keen to establish he wasn’t feeling himself – Jocky & I commenting it must just have been the way he was stood that misled us - & got his excuses for potential poor scoring in early by wincing & talking about the twinge in his back… He might as well have saved himself the effort, no-one caring because we were all having such a fun time piss-taking & enjoying the fact that barring 4 Slimbridges we were assured of a further 3 points for the League Table. Our Craptain bowled his way to a 19, which serves him right for being in cohorts with Compact whilst Wiggle was playing, & aRCe erred on the side of caution by scoring 27, maybe already having established arrangements for a lift home with Wiggle & Orical & therefore not risking an unscheduled late-night walk.
Realising himself that maybe it’s time for a change of ‘ankers having witnessed Sparky & Chuckle 1’s massacre of the expectation of our ‘best players’, Craptain could only stand & shake his head in disbelief like the rest of us as Sparky chalked up not one, but two dcuks. If you ask me, like Compact he got what he deserved after his successful sabotage of Wiggle’s 30+: Sparky finished up on 17, somehow still managing to pull a pin on his oppo – there really is no justice – whilst C1 got 25, pulled 7 & therefore secured a 36 pin win for the Almonds.
Standing, or should that be sitting?, at 4th in the League Table, all even on 12 games apiece with our peers, we may have risen to further heady heights with 3 away points to add to our bounty. I am also hoping to see myself rise from the ashes in the Averages – maybe not quite to the top just yet, but I’m led to believe I might have at least improved my average scoring.
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